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Sustainable Living and Green Building Resource for Western North Carolina :: HUMOR :: FOREST AND TOSCA :: Episode 4: Limiting the Iconic 'Forest and Tosca' Episode 4 Limiting the Iconic By Peter Loewer Copyright 2008 Peter Loewer “Darling,” said Tosca to Forest in a very low and slightly disturbed voice, “I think we might have some problems with Mommy and Daddy – not to mention Uncle Felder.” “What, my love?” he answered as he finished tying his duplicate of the world-famous Hewitt Skater trout fly. His feathered feat would soon be ready to test in the rushing waters of whatever-its-name-was stream that flowed under the diseased hemlocks at the bottom of their mountain. “Forest, I carefully folded the local paper and put it at your Amazon Forest woven place mat – the one I went through a kind of green hell to find over in the village. Then you never looked at the newly expanded Business Section.” “Tosca, my pet, I must get this fly finished or I’ll never be able to practice. With a lack of practice, I’ll lose out on April First next year.” “Flies be damned and fiddle-de-dee! If you had read the two-page Business Section you would have found that the development they had put their hearts into has folded – thanks to what the owner termed a ‘souring economy.’” Forest ceased his tying motions. He set the fly next to his spools of thread. He calmly rubbed the wrinkled skin between his very busy eyebrows—just as his nerve doctor had told him to do. Then he took a deep breath, turned to Tosca with adoration in his eyes (much like Gomez once looked at Morticia), and said, “Tosca, my love, my attention is all yours.” “Do you remember the dream home in that magnificent reserve of a development that my beloved parents wanted for their declining years?” “Of course,” he replied as he took a sip of freshly brewed coffee imported from a small (and precarious) farm located just outside of Charlotte. “It’s gone bankrupt. They have shut down their very charming sales offices, where they employed a number of fairly educated people.” “Well, at least they have a stab at getting new jobs.” “Forest, I’m not talking about all those people. They can get through the day by crying and whining and simpering about their little lives. I’m talking about Mommy and Daddy, not to mention Uncle Felder, literally up against the wall of monetary hurt that even a graham cracker couldn’t cure. It’s serious. It adds to their difficulties. Just where do you think they will want to live until their fortunes turn about?” “My God. Here!” “Yes, it will be Daddy with his liberal ideas about economics. And Mommy, dearest, who has had her heart set on being connected to life, will have her sense of adventure stirred and believe—entirely without merit—that the best is yet to come. In fact, they actually closed up the dream house that originally set Mommy’s heart a twitter.” Forest was obviously upset and almost twisted his coffee spoon as though Uri Geller had been in the room. “It was a dream home to be prayed for,” said Tosca. “Its sculpted stone turrets, floor-to-ceiling windows, and stone walls hung with the kind of art that takes one’s heart back to ancient Rome.” Forest, who was just as concerned as Tosca, unbent his spoon (without brain waves) and said, “They called it BlueStone and, like a stone, it has sunk!” “Oh, don’t joke,” she said as tears began to collect on the tips of her waterproof mascara lashes. “It means that their trip to the China Games might be called off. It means the visit to your uncle, who is so excited about the financial results of his tying up the waste market in Milan, will probably have to be postponed.” She waved her arm upward in a giant arch and nearly ripped asunder the Tibetan kite that hung from the faux-marble ceiling of their kitchen, and said, “Forest, I cannot face a summer with M and D crying about their lost investments, just like millions of other people clinging to their financial losses—and it’s our money!” “Tosca! You didn’t?” “Forest, just a few months ago it was only money. Remember that’s what you said to me time after time when I tried to conserve and actually told you that the silent killer of the market was going to be the cost of transportation for everything from cars to trucks to boats.” Forest had been thinking as Tosca talked and the wrinkle between his eyebrows almost deepened to such an extent the tip of his index finger almost stuck. “Tosca, it’s not the money. We have more than enough thanks to your friend's wife’s tips about buying Enron and selling it just in time. And it’s not the cars, or the twins, or the river, or our home of the fast-approaching autumn from those herbicide sprayers that recently came so close to our retreat. It’s your Uncle Felder and his nattering about this and that and the stupidity of his investments in Specific Electric’s iconic divisions. “I told him once, and I told him twice. Until the economy rebounds, buying futures in iconic lighting is—” “Forest, I rarely swear, but what in the hell is ‘iconic’ lighting?” “Tosca, if you had read ‘Limiting the Iconic: From the Metatheoretical Foundations to the Creative Possibilities of Iconicity in Language’ by Ludovic De Cuypere when I had it here after borrowing it from Felix, our decorator, you would know that it’s all about icons in concept and electrical in outlook.” Exasperated beyond belief, Tosca rushed—with a sweep of her furry train—from the room and through the doorway into the lap of Mother Nature. She stopped for a moment. Then she slowly walked through the dewed mushrooms up to the top of their lichened garden to think of a way out of their difficulties. “Forest,” she murmured to herself while looking upward to the clouds as they began to part, “is hopeless!” Copyright 2008 Peter Loewer All Rights Reserved. Use Rights have been provided to TheGreenerHome.com and MediaBear. 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Editor’s Note #1: To purchase the book that Forest had mentioned, “Limiting the Iconic: From the Metatheoretical Foundations to the Creative Possibilities of Iconicity in Language” by Ludovic De Cuypere, Click Here. Be forewarned that Forest may have missed its meaning. ABOUT FOREST AND TOSCA (AND PETER, TOO) Forest and Tosca is written on a regular basis by Peter Loewer -- or at least when he is not working on his latest book or illustration. Peter Loewer is a popular illustrator, printmaker, writer, author of over 30 books, radio personality and activist. He is based in Asheville, North Carolina, and lives amidst the trees of Kennilworth over-looking a small lake and his partially hidden neighbors. Forest and Tosca is a parody about two privileged people of the upper crust who enjoy the finer things in life, including fine art, fine wine, fine mountain vistas, and the fineness of their love for each other and themselves. This first episode of Forest and Tosca, entitled "The Fog Descends," is part of a larger composition with the working title, "On the Green Road with Forest and Tosca." It was published for the first time on TheWildGardener.com. SYNDICATED WEBSITE RADIO EMAIL tgh8thewildgardenerforestandtoscachap1bb1 |
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